Last Christmas we told you of the almighty Hercules, God of all paperclips. We let you into the secret of the great paperclip escape and how every year since then, as a commemoration to the scared Hercules escape and the new found freedom of the enslaved paperclips, all paperclip Nationwide plan their own mighty missions, their own plans to leave their torturous captivity. Paperclips still today campaign for their rights, fight for their freedom which they can still only achieve by breaking free. Still today paperclips fight for the opportunity of a free life, one that will not enslave them at any point and force them into situations where they must revolt and break laws….all this thanks to you Hercules, oh lord almighty.
Now one year on since revealing the story, Hercules is now more famous than ever! THE most talked about paperclip, Hercules is still an ‘A’ list celebrity in the stationery world, and some are worrying that it may have gone to his head a little! Wonder of all wonders, you’ll even find ‘pin ups’ of him in some young staples bedrooms, despite the fact that staples have a deep resentment towards paperclips (as unlike them, paperclips are able to bind papers AND be individual, staples do so hate the fact they come bound so tightly together in strips, they’re so unbelievably envious of the paperclips independence). But all is not well with Hercules…
We’ve gathered since the paperclip ‘awakening’, that Hercules is no standard wire binder. He has a certain intelligence which is unusual in a stationery item of his type. We’ve all here’d that calculators have it and that even Post-it notes have something pretty special (how are they able to stick and stick again and stick again and not fall down?), but a paperclip? To find the brainpower to conjure up such a plan, goodness only knows how something without a head has such wisdom! However, with Hercules new found freedom and fame, he has been led astray, exposed and has seen things that no paperclip should ever be exposed to. Loving the celebrity lime light he threw himself into it, making it to every party going, every grand opening, and even found himself on various TV shows such as CBeebies Mr Maker and ITV’s, A Touch of Frost!
The demand was high and the pressure was great, Hercules was beginning to buckle. He formed a nasty drug habit and ended up in rehab. Within weeks of being released he turned to booze. You may wonder how on earth a paperclip could consume anything; however you haven’t considered Hercules intelligence! He discovered that paperclips are not solid at all, in fact, they are relatively straw like. If you examine a paperclip under a very, very, very, very strong microscope, you will find that it is in fact hollow, with the tiniest hole running through the very middle of the paperclips length.
Goodness knows what will become of Hercules now, he doesn’t appear to be showing any signs of corrosion or wear, but then he is coated in day glow pink with green stripes which could be protecting his outer’s.
Hercules spent this Christmas rather alone, reflecting on the time that has elapsed since his great escape, and secretly (although he’ll never admit it), missing his life in the office, where everything was routine, everything was safe and where he knew exactly what each day would have in store for him. We shall re-visit Hercules next Christmas and with any luck, he may even give us an interview. Until then, from all of us here at Office 365, we wish our Hercules all the best and can only hope he finds his old strength and makes a full recovery.